Where Does Self Confidence Come From And How Does It Improve Your Life?
I’m so confident with the information that I’m about to share with you that I challenge you to internalize it and try it out for yourself, even just for a month and if it doesn’t work for you, come back to me and I will compensate you.
I want to start by saying that you can reinvent yourself at any time, literally tomorrow you can wake up and decide to be a whole other person. There’s nothing that prevents you from doing that but yourself.
How do you reinvent yourself?
Two ways:
- Deciding who you want to become
- Taking the actions the person you want to become would take
This will work not most of the time but every time.
What defines who you are as a person?
- Actions that you take on a regular basis
- Day to day activities that you indulge in
- Friends that you engage with
- Standards that you set for yourself
Remember this, confidence comes from keeping the promises that you make to yourself.
When you are who you say you are, of course you’re going to be confident, of course you’re going to have high standards. How could you not? When you do the things that you say you’re going to do, to yourself and to others, that’s what gives you confidence, it’s showing up and being able to trust yourself. Keeping your word.
What happens when you decide who you want to be and you consistently take the actions that match what you’re after?
You show up differently.
This happens naturally because the relationship that you have with yourself dictates not only how you show up in the world but how you show up in every other relationship you have. If you want to change anything or attract something into your life, it’s always going to start with yourself. You’re attracting things now without knowing it but you should realize that you can manipulate this on a conscious level.
It’s always interesting hearing people talk about the kind of person they want to marry or be in a relationship with.
If you’re expecting to be with a person of a certain caliber, you’ve got to be on the same wavelength as that person.
If you’re expecting to be with someone that’s super ambitious or very successful, what are you bringing to the table to attract that? That person isn’t going to be attracted to someone average, that’s for sure. When you know who you are and you’re clear on where you’re going, you refuse to put up with anything that doesn’t match your standards. Quality people don’t mix with non quality people. I don’t make the rules.
If you have low self esteem and you don’t take care of yourself, you show up a certain way and people can sense it, particularly people that are confident, and have very high standards, these are the people you can’t bullshit.
If you set high standards for yourself and you take the actions, you raise your vibration. So, if you decide to be a morning person and wake up at 4am, go to the gym and then get some work done, you are now “vibrating” or “showing” up as a person that is productive and self-efficient.
What kind of people do you think you’ll start to attract? Productive and self-efficient people.
You’ll start to notice them and they’ll start to notice you because you’re now vibrating at the same frequency, you’re on the same wave length. This isn’t woo woo, this is logical. If you take a step back, you’ll realize that this is common sense, nothing I’m saying is out of this world, this is just stuff that we’ve been conditioned to gloss over.
And all this fake it to you make it stuff, might have some truth to it but in my opinion, you should really fake it till you become it because I believe that actions are ultimately what propels you forward. Just dreaming about being a certain type of person or having certain things won’t get you there.
You’ve got to think of life as like a video game and your body being the vessel that allows you to play. If you do the things that you need to do to optimize yourself and “perform” you’re going to be better off vs mindlessly going about the game and hoping that something happens.
So… where should you start?
Start slow and small if you’ve got a lot of baggage or a lot of things in your life that you need to change, maybe start by deciding on just one action that you’ll take tomorrow and be consistent with that one action.
It can be something as simple as making your bed everyday, by doing this you’re affirming to yourself that you can be disciplined, you can do the things that you say you’re going to do. From there just keep setting higher and higher standards.
Confidence comes from repetition. Once you know how this works and you know this game, you’ll be comfortable playing it and will continue to level up.
The actions that’ll be required for you to take will become tougher as you level up but you being willing to take them and start the process will become easier because by now you’re used to doing things that are difficult. Those habits that once seemed impossible to adopt end up becoming a part of who you are and you just continue to build that way, this is when life gets interesting and fun!
When you’ve got your priorities and values straight, it’s easy for you to adopt new habits. It’s easy for you to make decisions. You know where you’re going, so it’s a no brainer.
Here are some examples of the things that I do / the actions I take:
- Waking up at 4–430am
- Reading a book a week
- Drinking 84 oz of water daily
- Working out 5–6 days a week
These are some of the standards that I set out for myself and by concisely doing them time and time again, these things are now a part of me. If you would’ve told me 6 months ago that I would be reading a book a week, I’d be like WHAT??? I wasn’t even reading 1 book a year!
Here’s how I keep track of this stuff:
I make a list every single day of the actions that I need to take in order to be this person I chose, and I check off each item every single day because not only does this hold me accountable but it reminds me of what I’m after.
What ends up happening is at some point you’ll no longer need to write some things down because you now do them out of habit. And that’s the beauty of this, your body adapts. You are in full control.
What happens once you’re deep into this process and how do you accelerate your growth?
Congratulations, you have elevated your standards and you are now who you say you are. Your confidence is naturally there.
What you’ll notice happening now is you’ll most likely start to lose friends or not have time to hang out with a lot of the people that were once in your circle because normally whenever you need to revamp your life, the people in it, more times than not, were contributing to this version of yourself that you no longer wish to be. Just because you’re progressing and deciding to reinvent yourself, it doesn’t mean the friends in your life will want to be doing the same, people like being comfortable. You have to come to terms with that.
You’ll need to start making decisions and saying no to people and activities that no longer match what you’re after.
When you say no really what you’re doing is holding on to the standards that you set out for yourself and embodying the person that you say you are, and keeping the promises that you make to yourself. When you can embody who you are through your actions and every day choices, that’s when things continue to happen for you. Again, this is where the confidence comes from, it’s being who you say you are.
I’m not telling you to ditch all your friends but say no to the ones that you know you shouldn’t be associating with because you no longer have anything in common with them. When nothing bounds you together except your past, this is how you’ll know it’s time to let those friendships go.
These friends will stop inviting you out too because they’ll realize you’re no longer into what they are into, you’re leveling up. Your standards are high. This is a good thing, thank them for their service and the role which they played in your life, they are doing you a favor.
On the other hand, the friends that you know are actually good friends and have been around for a while but may just not be leveling up at the same time or speed as you are, maintain those friendships, honor them, they are valuable.
I have friends that I’ve known since high school and I love those girls, I want to be friends with them forever. I maintain those friendships, I show up for special events, if there’s a birthday, an anniversary, any life event, I’m there and by doing that, the friendships remain strong and never die out regardless of where I am in my life.
But everyone else? I just say no.
There are a lot of perks that come with working on yourself but one of the best ones is the confidence to walk away from any situation or person or job that do not match your standards.
When you’ve developed yourself to a certain point, you’re allowed to have high standards because if you’re putting in all of this work, you’re going to expect other people that want to come into your life to be doing the same. You’ve earned the right to expect things from people.
What happens if you stop doing the things that you know you should be doing?
Your confidence plummets and it’s the worst feeling. I’ll do anything to avoid that feeling so I try my best to show up for myself everyday and it’s a constant quest, not everyday is perfect but I don’t aim for perfection, I aim to be at least 1% better everyday.
Aim to surround yourself with people that elevate your standards.
As you talk to people when you’re developing yourself, you’ll realize that you could smoke all of them cause most just aren’t willing to put in the work. People like being comfortable. The way I see it is if they can’t even do something as simple as wake up early, there’s no competition. You’ll be winning from the jump because you are who you say you are and who are they?
At the end of the day, you should really be in competition with yourself. Don’t compete with other people but at the same time, when your standards are so high, you’ll naturally outperform everyone. BUT if you choose to compete with people, always compete with those that are WAY out of your league.
