Be yourself and solve 90% of your problems
I recently had an ‘aha’ moment that made everything make so much sense and I wanted to share what I learned because I think it’s important and it’s how you truly get everything that is meant for you.
It’s easy to get caught up on small details and become overwhelmed when you don’t know how things are going to pan out. Even worse, not knowing what your chosen path will lead you down.
These past couple weeks, I found myself extremely overwhelmed and just recently I had an “aha” moment. And it’s interesting because this “aha” moment came when I was helping someone else.
So, if you’re feeling stuck or anxious, I highly recommend doing something for someone else, you might be surprised with the answers and clarity that you get from it.
A friend I went to college with reached out and said her boyfriend was trying to get into programming and if I could help him, of course I agreed. In doing so, it brought back so many flashbacks and memories of my journey and how everything unfolded for me in ways that I couldn’t have possibly predicted.
Recalling what my journey has been like so far, reminded me that the dots only connect looking back. It also gave me the confidence to understand that even if things aren’t very clear right now, I have to trust in the process.
Here’s the back story:
I got into programming because a friend posted on Twitter asking if anyone knew Python.
At the time I was intrigued with programming so, I reached out and offer to do his homework. What gave me the confidence to think I could figure it out? I don’t know, delusion?
But I spent all weekend on this thing and it’s all I thought about and wanted to do. Finally completed it and sent it over to him, he got an A on it (it was an intro class) so afterwards I asked him if he could send me more of his homework assignments.
I basically did my friends homework for free and then was like I think I could teach myself everything I need to know to get a job as an engineer and did exactly that.
If I didn’t know that I was interested in programming, I wouldn’t have reached out to my friend and none of this would have happened. But because I was true to myself and I was open to pursuing things that I was into, the perfect opportunity fell into my lap.
Also, the start up that I got hired to work in, taught me that I was really interested in business and that at some point I want to start a company. I wouldn’t have known that if I joined say a different or bigger company. But because I knew what kind of company I wanted to work for, again, the perfect one fell into my lap.
Everything in my life, everything major, has always came as a result of staying true to myself, chasing things that I truly wanted and was interested in.
One of the big things I took away from this ‘aha’ moment is that, the only thing I really have to do is just be fully aligned with who I am. And chase things that I’m into and want to truly learn more about, because if I do this, everything will fall into place. That’s it. If I can get that right, life will lead me in the right direction.
Fully surrendered.
You want to do things and chase things you’re interested in and trust that somehow the dots will connect down the line.
I’m telling you right now, it’s impossible to predict the journey because the dots only connect looking back.
That being said, you have to do the work, you can’t just sit back and expect things to come to you. You don’t just wake up with clarity and know what to do and know who you are.
No. It doesn’t work that way. There’s a lot of introspection, a lot of thinking, a lot of journaling…a lot of everything.
There is no overnight success.
People think Bobbi Althoff was an overnight success because she did a podcast with Drake. It definitely blew her up, 100%, but she’s been on social media for years (doing what she wanted to do) before doing a podcast with Drake.
Same thing with Alex Cooper from callherdaddy, she definitely blew up after doing 1 episode with Barstool Sports but she’s been obsessed with filming since she was a kid (again knowing who she was, staying true to who she was and doing things she was interested in led her to that one moment).
So yes, you can blow up or have a great idea and have things work out almost immediately. But you can only seize opportunities when you’re *actively* working towards something and you know what you want and who you are, sitting around just chilling is not going get it done.
“Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity”
Think about the major things that have happened in your life, good or bad, it probably happened as a result of many tiny things that you were doing along the way that ultimately led you to where you ended up.
Things don’t just happen, you don’t just somehow fall into the “right” situation without doing the “right” things along the way.
And the way you do the “right” things along the way is by being true to yourself, and really trying to figure out who you are, what you care about and being honest about that.
There is no right or wrong, there just is. And when you can surrender to that, you feel less weight on your shoulders and you can just enjoy whatever moment you’re in.
I know that there’s a lot of people that are maybe in all sorts of difficult situations but if you have good health, you’re able to move around, walk, see and hear, that is already more than enough and you have everything you need with just that.
As long as you do the things that you’re interested in and you only chase things that you’re into, at some point, the right opportunity will come into your life and you’ll be able to take advantage of it, it’ll be so obvious and make so much sense.
When you’re true to yourself, you feel safe in knowing that as long as you do the things that you want to do, the world will always be yours and the right opportunities will eventually come to you.
The most important part and probably the only thing that you really have to nail down is knowing who you are and staying true to yourself as you pursue things and people. Staying true to yourself is what actually allows the right opportunities to come to your way. That’s it.
I hope this makes sense because I know when I would hear “be yourself”, I always thought it was so cliche but I’ve realized that it’s the key to success and the key to anything you want. Everything, absolutely everything good comes from being true to who you are.
The more you align with who you truly are, the better life gets in every single area.
This seems obvious but until you actually practice it, you really don’t know just how great it can be.
Think about it.. if you don’t stay true to yourself, you just end up attracting people and things you don’t match with. And if you aren’t trying to be someone else but you’re also not actively trying to find out who you are and what you’re into, you now randomly attract things and people.
When you live life that way, it becomes harder to identify the right opportunities and people meant for you because you’re not in the zone.
You could still learn from any experience but why not tailor your experiences to match who you are and what you’re truly into. That’s the game. Play it.
It’s “work” at the end of the day but I think it can also be fun if you allow it to be.
So, I’ve decided that instead of being impatient, worrying and wasting all this energy on things that don’t even exist. I should instead go back to my playful self, back to the learners seat and just do things that I’m really interested in / learn about the things that I care about and I’m intrigued by. If I do that, at some point, I’ll have all the answers I need.
Instead of trying to control everything and have everything figured out, I’ll follow my curiosity and trust in the process.
I’m not saying don’t be organized and plan things, no, definitely have a structure and be strategic with your approach. But create structure around your interests.
You need extreme clarity, you have to know why you’re doing something. If you don’t know why you’re doing something, that’s a problem.
I’m going to be doing these 5 things to really hone in on this and make sure I follow through. I share this just so you see how simple it can really be…
- I’m going to do the things that make me feel good and that I know I enjoy. So things like: playing golf, running, reading, meditating… all of my “normal” activities that I already know I enjoy.
If you don’t yet know what things you enjoy and make you feel good, think about it. Think about things you like that are healthy, it could be listening to music, it could be drawing, it could be dancing, whatever! Then come up with a routine of how you’ll incorporate those things into your life.
It really comes down to figuring out who are you and what you are interested in. Ask yourself, ‘what don’t I mind doing?’ and do that.
2. I’m going to spend an hour learning about technologies, business ideas and brands that I find interesting. With this hour, I’ll be digging deep into topics and things that have piqued my interest or that I want to learn more about.
I’m excited to nerd out about this stuff because I love it so I’m not asking myself to do stuff that I hate. I already know I’m interested in tech and business.
Of course keeping up with the routine is going to require work / effort but again I’m not asking myself to do things that I hate. I genuinely love learning about this stuff, so it’s not a problem at all. You want to do things that you are actually interested in…that’s the whole point.
3. Being mindful and intentional with the people I surround myself with. I’ve got a lot of friends that I met when I first moved to NYC that I have nothing in common with anymore and I’ve stopped hanging out with a lot of those people but occasionally they’ll text me and I’m tempted to engage but nope, I have nothing in common with them.
Being mindful about your time, energy and who you invest it in is going to be important. Stay true to yourself and by doing that, you’ll attract the people that match you and are into what you’re into.
It’s really not that hard. I used to think that finding people who are like me and are trying to be the best version of themselves was difficult but it’s not. You literally attract people like yourself. So if you’re trying to attract a certain kind of person, become them.
It’s going to feel lonely in the beginning because you’re not there yet but I’m already seeing how this is a thing and I just started this journey, basically. The quality of people that I’m attracting now feels different. I’m not yet friends with a lot of these people but I can see stuff happening.
So, I’m happy and I trust that I’ll attract all the right people that I need in my life. I have no FOMO, completely unfazed.
4. Being healthy and taking care of my body, making sure I’m optimized to perform at my very best everyday when it matters most. This means working out, eating the right foods, prioritizing sleep, limiting how much alcohol you consume, etc.
5. Being present and truly enjoying the process.
It’s interesting because when you’re fully present, it feels so good, everything seems right in the world and it’s cause you’re not thinking about anything other than what’s in front of you.
Kobe Bryant was asked: “There’s players that love to win and players that hate to lose, which one are you?”
He said: “I’m neither”
Interviewer looked confused and asked him what he meant.
Kobe Bryant replied with:
“I play to figure things out. I play to learn something. Because I think if you play with a fear of failure or you play with the will to win, I think it’s a weakness either way.
If you play with a fear of failing, you’ll have the pressure on yourself to capitulate to that fear, if you play with the sense of I want to win, I want to win then you have the fear of what happens if you don’t.
But if you find common ground in the middle, in the center, then it doesn’t matter, you’re unfazed by either and that enables you to really stay in the moment, stay connected to it and not feel anything other than what’s in front of you, so I try to just be dead center”
Obsessed with this. If you focus on the process and improving, the score takes care of itself.
I don’t have everything figured out, I’m just committed to this journey of growth and staying true to myself. By doing this, I know that whatever is meant for me, will be. I don’t have to second guess that.
